Spent a month THERE one night...

As the oldest of 4, I’ve spent most of my life taking care of my siblings.  I basically helped raise my sister and youngest brother.  Since my parents’ divorce, I’ve had to step in and be the mom at times.  I buy the gifts for our parents on the holidays.  I sign and mail the birthday cards.  And I buy them things.  They text me or call when they want to talk, and I’ve always been there.  The older of my brothers isn’t well at all, physically or emotionally.  I used to give him money all the time, and I have paid his cell phone bill for years now.  They’ve very much been the reasons that I pulled myself out of the rock bottom of my clinical depression and decided to hang around.

But they can be the most ungrateful little shits.  I have done many things to try and help my brother deal with his chemical dependency, his crippling depression, and his crippling health problems.  But he won’t fucking help himself. 

I just tried to call him to tell him that a guy friend of mine has the same disease as him, to tell him how important it is that he take care of it, and that he wouldn’t have to deal with it alone.  He’s NOT the only person in the world with this disease, and it’s totally possible to live a healthier life.  His response?  “Yeah, I really don’t want to discuss it right now.”  So I let him go.

And my sister, who I feel really close to, gives me the silent treatment on a whim.  Why?  Because she’s a bratty fucking teenager and she doesn’t know any better.  I’m so over it.  And she doesn’t apologize for it.  Ever. 

I wish I had the infinite patience to put up with their bullshit, but I just don’t.  Because theirs is the kind of bullshit that I have to take personally.  And it hurts so fucking much.  Would love to see how they’d ever hold up without me.  OVER IT.